Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I attract strange people...

...and when I say that I do not mean the ladies I date are strange, although now that I think of it, that is true more often then it is not. No, what I mean is that the weirdos of the world always seem to zone in on me in random public situations and decide to include me in their strange little worlds.

For instance: today I get on my normal commuter rail train from Quincy Center. I go to sit in a seat that faces the direction the train is moving in. I notice that 3-4 seats in front of me, facing me, is a middle-aged man who I believe might be staring at me. Of course I can't be sure because his eyes are quite crossed and given that there were plenty of people sitting to my left and right, I can't be sure exactly where he's aiming at. So anyway, I don't give it much thought and open my laptop to read an eBook on "Domain-Driven Design". Yeehaaw!

As we near South Station I notice that the man has stood up. He begins speaking in a very loud and accented voice, something about being in the marines, "Semper Fi" and that "If you wanna be a genius like I am, then you gotta be a magician like I am. I'm a wizard, people, a wizard!"

Well, I just assumed he was crazy right there and then and chose to do what every good apathetic commuter would do: that is, I buried my head in my laptop, tried not to laugh and pretended I was completely deaf.

This was apparently not the correct move...

Just seconds away from the train reaching its destination the man starts getting REALLY excited. He starts yelling "None of y'all stand up or there'll be trouble. I mean it. Just sit right there. This is between us." At this point I realize that the man hasn't been speaking nonsense to the entire train, but rather to an audience of one, me. Apparently I was engaged in a conversation that I did not willingly partake in and the initiator was none-too-happy that I had not responded.

So I look straight on at the guy. He looks directly at me (Well, and to the woman at my right. Cross-eyed, remember?). And he says, "You just go on chewing your gum." I had gum in my mouth. "You go on chewing your gum. I won't bite your ear off. I won't bite it off."

I suddenly had deep empathy for Evander Holyfield. I did what came natural to a sarcastic little twit like me and I nodded as if to say, "Oh reeeaaalllly now. Will you? Faaaascinating." Realizing this was probably not the wisest course of action to take, I immediately regretted my decision. However, in this case I guess I lucked out as the man instantly become discouraged and quickly walked out of the train car and onto the platform.

I walked out to the OTHER platform and moved as quickly as possible to the card scanner of my office building, for once thankful for the security that they provide.

The End.

PS: I'll give you another example of strange people approaching me some other day; I've typed waaay too much today already. Until next time...

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